The Worst Day of My Life

Feb 1, 2012

I will never forget this day as long as I live.  I don't think there is a single detail that took place from the time I woke up that morning until the time I lied down to go to sleep at night that will escape my memory.  I woke up at 5 like I normally do.  I got dressed, got the girls dressed, fixed lunches and fed breakfasts.  That was where the normal ended.  Brent took the girls to school and daycare while I stayed at home and finished packing our bags for Nashville, TN.  We were headed up there to see my dad, who had been in the hospital for about a week and a half and wasn't doing well. 

Let me take a moment here to backtrack a little.

In April 2010 my dad was diagnosed with leukemia.  After several rounds of chemo he underwent a bone marrow transplant just before Christmas. He had good days and bad days, but a little more than a year out he was finally given clearance to travel as far as Mobile (he couldn't go further than 2 hours from his doctors in Nashville).  Then a couple of days later he came down with a fever and went back in the hospital.  After several tests he was diagnosed with a viral pnemonia.  He was having to stay in the ICU because his treatments were 2 hours long and had to be done every 8 hours.  Also, his oxygen was staying consistently low and they were keeping him on a ventilator.  So on the evening of January 31, 2012 I get a call from my brother and after a brief discussion we decide we should go and see him.  And that brings us back to the morning of Feb 1. 

Brent gets back from taking the girls and we load up the car  It was going to take us 7 hours to get there and we had a handful of errands to run before we left.  The first of these was to drop off the girls things at Brent's parents house. After we got back in the car I had a voicemail from my brother. He had just talked to the nurse practitioner taking care of dad and things were not going well.  So rather than leaving after Mandy, my sister in law, got out of school (she is a teacher), he was headed to pick her up and go ahead and get on the road  Needless to say I told Brent that aside from dropping off the dogs and getting gas, all other errands were just going to have to go undone. 

We got on I-65 about 10 a.m.  And the rain started pouring.  Poor Brent could barely see to drive but he was going as fast as he could safely go. I was so nervous  I couldn't do anything other than pray.  I told God that if today was the day my Dad was to meet him in Heaven that I understood that, but could he please just hang on until I got there?  Please?  Just 7 more hours?  Just one more chance to tell him I love him?  All I wanted was for him to know I was there and that Curtis was there and we knew he was sick and we cared.  And then I got the call.  The call that I had a terrible feeling that I was going to get.  It was Curtis. When the first thing he did was ask if I was driving I knew what was coming next.  "Dad has already passed away." were his words when I told him I was in the passenger seat,  I broke down in hard, silent tears. A few moments later I was able to speak and we were able to finish the conversation.  I continued the ride to Nashville in silence, except for my tears.  I had a terrible headache.  I had not eaten all day, yet had no appetite.  I found out very quickly what people mean when they describe something as feeling like a knife through their heart. 

After exactly 7 hours of driving we pulled into the hotel where my stepmom had been staying.  We happened to arrive about the same time as my stepbrother, Brian, his wife, Lora, and oldest daughter, Tori.  We all hugged and cried right there in the parking lot.  We soon went inside and continued hugging and crying and just asking why.  At this stage in the game none of us saw this coming.  We visited him last Thanksgiving and he was doing so well you never would have known what all he had recently been through if you were to have met him for the first time.  It all seemed so surreal.  I think my stepmom was in a state of shock.  I think we all were. 

I hadn't seen Curtis since I was pregnant with Emme, my youngest, and I didn't realize how much I missed him until he and Mandy finally walked through the door.  He and I weren't exactly close growing up but the one of the few things that gave me comfort that day and the few that followed was having him there.  Brian and Lora had to head back home that night because thier youngest daughter had to be picked up from her babysitter.  After they left, the four of us, Brent, Curtis, Mandy, and myself, went out for a late dinner at Moe's.

The day finally ended about 10:30 that night.  I remember lying down in the hotel room and everything just sinking in. A piece of me was missing. I ached all over and my heart literally hurt.  I am not sure how I managed to sleep that night but I am glad I did.  I have had a lot of bad days, but this one took the cake.  It was, and still is, hands down the WORST day of my life. 

Feelin Pretty Good

Yesterday was a record setting day for me.  Before yesterday the longest distance I have run since I started back up a few weeks ago was 3.2 miles.  Last night I hit 4.25.  4.25 miles! I don't think I have ever run that far at one time in my whole life.  Needless to say I was pretty proud of myself.  Still am.  And the odd thing is that I expected my legs to be so stiff today, but no.  I haven't felt the slightest bit of discomfort.  Will I run that far every night?  I doubt it.  Although it felt great, and I thoroughly enjoyed the quality time I got to spend alone with my iTunes, that run took almost an hour.  Sadly I do not think I can commit to putting in that kind of time every day or even every other day.  My goal at present is to run 2-3 miles during the week and shoot for 4 or more on the weekends. 

I am also proud to say that as of about an hour ago we are expecting the delivery of a pair of Keds Saddle shoes from Amazon, as well as a backpack, lunchbox, and water bottle from Pottery Barn Kids.  AND if that weren't enough Miss Haley has reservations at Pump It Up for her birthday party in August.  So I am feeling pretty good right now and loving that I can cross some things off my to do list.  So good in fact that I think I will reward myself by taking the rest of the night off.  Time to pour a glass of wine and find something on t.v.  Goodnight!!!

Back to Reality

About one week ago, I was packing for our usual trip to Lake Martin to celebrate the 4th of July. Today I am sitting here after a long day at work and a long evening of housework wishing I was still there. I don't know what it is, but there is something so peaceful about being up there. Maybe its the whole "small town and slower pace" thing. I really don't know. All I know is that I sleep better when I am there and the only thing I worry about is making sure everyone gets plenty of sunscreen. Oh well, I guess all good things must come to an end and so here I sit until Labor Day when we will make the drive again for one last long weekend on the water.

In the meantime, I have more than enough to keep me occupied. First of all, July is a busy month at the office so there's never a dull moment there. Then outside of all the usual stuff I get to take care of between 5 p.m and 11-ish p.m. here is a list of "extras" that have got to get done soon or I know I will regreat it: Order Haley's backpack, lunch box, and shoes for school, buy extra shorts to wear under her uniform, take her uniform to have the hem let out some (thank you Lord they still fit in the shoulders!), schedule her 5 yr check up, book her birthday party and everything that goes along with that (i.e. get supplies, order cupcakes, mail invitations, etc.). I am sure I have left something off, but I am too tired to remember what it is. Maybe it will come back to me as I cross off some of this. All I know is I am really looking forward to Labor Day.....

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Two Saturdays ago, I turned the big 3-1!! For the past couple of years birthdays have had a nostalgic effect on me. I flash back to birthdays past and remember what my life was like back in the day. I see how far I've come in some areas and how far I still have to go in others. Some of the memories are good and some not so good. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time just for a brief moment and then sometimes I'm glad I can't! Anyway, last year (when I turned the big 3-0) I started making a list of goals for the next year of my life. So here we go:

1. Run at least three times a week.

2. Drink more water.

3. Watch less TV.

4. Read more books, particulary my Bible.

5. Finish off at least one partially decorated room in my house before the big 3-2

6. Spend more time in prayer.

7. Try to live Proverbs 31 to the best of my ability.

8. Finish my girls' baby books.

9. Keep trying to follow the routines on www.flylady.net to hopefully one day achieve my goal of having an organized home with substantially less clutter.

10. Have a postive attitude regardless of what comes my way.

11. Make decisions that are what's best for me and my family based on prayer, not based on what I think my family, friends, co-workers, etc. would say.

And there you have it. My goals for the next year of my life. On a less serious note, the day was a good one. I spent most of the morning cleaning my house, met a good friend in the afternoon for a pedicure, and then spent the evening with my family enjoying cake and ice cream. I think its going to be a good year. I certainly have a lot to look forward to. Kindergarten, potty training, etc. Just in case you are wondering the future kindergartener and potty-trainee are two different children. The one starting kindergarten has been successfully going to the potty for two years.

Well...I guess I better get off this computer for a while. It seems I have quite a few things that need my attention!!

Taking Baby Steps

It took me almost a week, but I finally completed the first baby step off of FlyLady's website. I shined my sink. Everything I have been reading for the past several days led me to believe that doing this one little thing and making it a daily priority was going to totally change my attitude toward my home. Alright, I admit I am probably exaggerating just a bit, but so far I don't feel any different. My house is still messy and cluttered and overwhelming. Except now my kitchen sink is shiny. But I guess it is a start and I have decided that I am going to be totally committed to this. So I will continue to baby step my way to peace and organization. Here's hoping for noticable progress very soon!!

An End to the Chaos

Now that my busy season at work is over its time for me to turn my attention to all of the things in my life that have been put on the back burner for the past four months. Mainly my home. I tried to spend every free second I could with Brent and the girls or sleeping. So other than laundry and dishes, not much cleaning has taken place around here in quite a while. I have to give a shout out to Brent though. He really did take on a lot while I worked late at night and on Saturdays. We somehow did manage to paint the hall and the laundry room and clean all of the carpets in the midst of the craziness. But now that craziness is over and I am taking a new approach to getting things back in order.

A few days ago one of my friends on Facebook posted something about getting some of her organizational tips from the website www.flylady.net. I had never heard of it so I decided to check it out. Talk about overwhelming!! So many lists and tasks and journals and steps to declutter your life!! My first thought was to give up before even giving the system a try. What I was reading sounded great, but the reality is that I felt like I was going to need at least one extra hour in the a.m. and one in the p.m. to complete the morning routine and night time routine. I posted my discouragement on Facebook and something interesting happened. Several friends told me how they used this system and it really worked. So today I set out to begin "flying" as they call it. I joined the email group and had Brent pick up the stuff I needed to shine my sink (I recommend visiting the site to find out more about that one). Sadly there was a lot going on today and I never actually got around to shining my sink, but I am determined that I will do it tomorrow. I am going to jump in with both feet. Obviously my form of organization isn't working so I figure this is at least worth a try. I can't end up any worse off than I am right now!
HA!!!

Work, Eat, Sleep, Repeat

That is what I have been doing for the past however many days since I have posted anything. Mostly working, but I don't do well without food or sleep. Believe me I've tried. Oh yeah and I have also been cleaning. I don't want to brag or anything, but I am really proud of myself for getting ALL of my laundry done in one day last weekend. I don't think that's ever happened before. Ever. So that's it. Nothing exciting to report here. Hopefully next time I will have something more entertaining to share!