The Worst Day of My Life

Feb 1, 2012

I will never forget this day as long as I live.  I don't think there is a single detail that took place from the time I woke up that morning until the time I lied down to go to sleep at night that will escape my memory.  I woke up at 5 like I normally do.  I got dressed, got the girls dressed, fixed lunches and fed breakfasts.  That was where the normal ended.  Brent took the girls to school and daycare while I stayed at home and finished packing our bags for Nashville, TN.  We were headed up there to see my dad, who had been in the hospital for about a week and a half and wasn't doing well. 

Let me take a moment here to backtrack a little.

In April 2010 my dad was diagnosed with leukemia.  After several rounds of chemo he underwent a bone marrow transplant just before Christmas. He had good days and bad days, but a little more than a year out he was finally given clearance to travel as far as Mobile (he couldn't go further than 2 hours from his doctors in Nashville).  Then a couple of days later he came down with a fever and went back in the hospital.  After several tests he was diagnosed with a viral pnemonia.  He was having to stay in the ICU because his treatments were 2 hours long and had to be done every 8 hours.  Also, his oxygen was staying consistently low and they were keeping him on a ventilator.  So on the evening of January 31, 2012 I get a call from my brother and after a brief discussion we decide we should go and see him.  And that brings us back to the morning of Feb 1. 

Brent gets back from taking the girls and we load up the car  It was going to take us 7 hours to get there and we had a handful of errands to run before we left.  The first of these was to drop off the girls things at Brent's parents house. After we got back in the car I had a voicemail from my brother. He had just talked to the nurse practitioner taking care of dad and things were not going well.  So rather than leaving after Mandy, my sister in law, got out of school (she is a teacher), he was headed to pick her up and go ahead and get on the road  Needless to say I told Brent that aside from dropping off the dogs and getting gas, all other errands were just going to have to go undone. 

We got on I-65 about 10 a.m.  And the rain started pouring.  Poor Brent could barely see to drive but he was going as fast as he could safely go. I was so nervous  I couldn't do anything other than pray.  I told God that if today was the day my Dad was to meet him in Heaven that I understood that, but could he please just hang on until I got there?  Please?  Just 7 more hours?  Just one more chance to tell him I love him?  All I wanted was for him to know I was there and that Curtis was there and we knew he was sick and we cared.  And then I got the call.  The call that I had a terrible feeling that I was going to get.  It was Curtis. When the first thing he did was ask if I was driving I knew what was coming next.  "Dad has already passed away." were his words when I told him I was in the passenger seat,  I broke down in hard, silent tears. A few moments later I was able to speak and we were able to finish the conversation.  I continued the ride to Nashville in silence, except for my tears.  I had a terrible headache.  I had not eaten all day, yet had no appetite.  I found out very quickly what people mean when they describe something as feeling like a knife through their heart. 

After exactly 7 hours of driving we pulled into the hotel where my stepmom had been staying.  We happened to arrive about the same time as my stepbrother, Brian, his wife, Lora, and oldest daughter, Tori.  We all hugged and cried right there in the parking lot.  We soon went inside and continued hugging and crying and just asking why.  At this stage in the game none of us saw this coming.  We visited him last Thanksgiving and he was doing so well you never would have known what all he had recently been through if you were to have met him for the first time.  It all seemed so surreal.  I think my stepmom was in a state of shock.  I think we all were. 

I hadn't seen Curtis since I was pregnant with Emme, my youngest, and I didn't realize how much I missed him until he and Mandy finally walked through the door.  He and I weren't exactly close growing up but the one of the few things that gave me comfort that day and the few that followed was having him there.  Brian and Lora had to head back home that night because thier youngest daughter had to be picked up from her babysitter.  After they left, the four of us, Brent, Curtis, Mandy, and myself, went out for a late dinner at Moe's.

The day finally ended about 10:30 that night.  I remember lying down in the hotel room and everything just sinking in. A piece of me was missing. I ached all over and my heart literally hurt.  I am not sure how I managed to sleep that night but I am glad I did.  I have had a lot of bad days, but this one took the cake.  It was, and still is, hands down the WORST day of my life.